It’s been a month…. a crazy month and every day I think about my blog and how I need to post and talk real with you all and another day passes. Do you ever feel like when one big thing happens, a bunch of other big things happen and it knocks the wind right out of you?! That’s how I’ve been feeling lately. Some good big things. Some bad big things. Big things nonetheless and it’s taken me some time to function through it all.
I am learning how to deal with big things when it’s just me and my kids and let me be the first to tell you how much I am learning from my 5 year old daughter. She is wise beyond her years and I am so grateful to have her in my life. At 5, she is the one that grounds me. She has a very Bobby McFerrin way of thinking,
“In every life we have some trouble
When you worry you make it double
Don’t worry, be happy……”
And to be honest, I think I am going to start singing that song in my head when things get a little rough or I feel the stress coming on.
Today was her last day at preschool. Of course, she is my first born and I am devastated that these early years are gone and she starts full time school in the fall. She begins a huge journey of learning and I am so thankful that we are surrounded by amazing schools but since I got to be home with her every day until this point, the idea of letting her go for 8 hours a day makes me want to curl in the fetal position and cry. As she headed off to school today I asked her if she was sad about this being her last day at her school and she simply replied, “No, mommy. I am so excited for Kindergarten.” While inside my body I was a mush ball and wanted to say, “But honey, aren’t you going to miss your days with me?? You have to be in school and sit at desks and walk those big halls with the big kids and you are there all day!!” (Cue breath) But my outward appearance was all “WOOHOO!! KINDERGARTEN! WE ARE READY FOR IT!” She absolutely LOVES school and who am I to give her preconceived notions of what school is now.
I can get on my soap box about how age appropriateness (or lack there of in our case) about the classroom, but my daughter adores school. She loves to learn. She loves to trace letters and do simple math. She picked up workbooks on her own in the dollar bin at Target and wanted to do them at home– sitting for hours doing them. Who am I to scare her about what Kindergarten might be when in fact, she may love every single second of it.
On top of last day of preschool, we bought a house. A FREAKIN HOUSE! I don’t know what I was thinking, but holy crow. An amazing opportunity presented itself. I saw the house before it was even on the market and I got that “This is my house” feeling and we jumped. My poor husband was Skyping in to see it from half-way across the world because, you know, two small kids, being by myself– I thought, I need something else to do. Some friends and family think I am crazy, but when you believe in something, you don’t care what they think and you just go with your gut.
Oh wait– and let me add my father-in-law went in for some major melanoma removal surgery which was pretty intensive. Again, my poor husband- half a world away- was beside himself. Luckily all seems to be well, but just one more BIG thing.
These three things happened within a 2 week period. So to say that it all took me off guard is quite an understatement, but I haven’t gone completely crazy yet and I’m still standing. I’ve been SO lucky to have a husband, that even though isn’t right next to me, he is reachable (for the most part) and has been such a support. I have had friends who have come to look at the house with me and work through fears and anxieties when my husband wasn’t available.
You can collapse under stress or you can rise to challenge it. I’m not sure I can say I have completely collapsed or completely risen, but I like to think I’m closer to the rising above it then being crushed by it all. I’m amazed by so many mom friends around me who are dealing with so much more and I pull from their strength. Just like climbing a mountain– one foot in front of the other will get you as far as you can possibly go.